where are you

Ever wonder where God is when the news displays in real time the horrors in the world?

“CNN Breaking news, live from Tel Aviv, a suicide bomber entered a local restaurant and detonated the device killing himself and 100 people in and around the restaurant.”

“We are live from Austin Texas where an irate citizen has flown his private plane into the IRS building downtown killing at least 2 people".

“We are receiving reports from Port Au Prince that the death toll may exceed 100,000.”

We hear, see and read these stories on our way to church on Sunday morning. There in the comfortable confines of a multi-million dollar state of the art church, with a big screen and LCD projector we hear how much Jesus love us, how God will protect us.
So there we sit with the thought of thousands of people trapped beneath piles of rubble in Haiti and we move about the sanctuary sharing the peace smiling and hugging each other like all is well. Then we eat bread and drink wine, sing happy songs while hundreds lay dying, never to be found alive, and then go home to a family dinner and eat our fill and nap or watch NBA on big screen TVs.

There it is out in the open my angst, my anger and my questions about how a loving, merciful God allows such horrific things to happen to the people we call the children of God. What parent will allow their children to die right before their very eyes – yet God does? I know that seminary professors always tell their students to look for “Where God Is In All of This” otherwise known as WIGAT. That attitude seems such a heresy to me when said in conscious awareness of suffering and the dying in the world today.

So, where is God in all of this suffering, and death?

The truth is I do not know. Yet we attend classes on discipleship, we have fancy logos that portray our VALUES, but what is done in response to the teaching? Not much it seems. I read the words, I hear the sermons, I hear the songs, and I do appreciate the encouragement of “Christian” friends, then I see the hypocrisy, the discrimination, the hatred, the greed, the lust!

So I ask again, where is God in all of THAT?

Well again, I do not know or rather I do not know what to say. The pain I feel for losses in my life tempts me to answer I don’t know, part of me wants to believe, and yet there is that part of me that knows the hardships I have lived and those hurts are there and they are real.

There are the missed opportunities, and there are the choices I made…many I regret and will regret forever. That part of me does not want to believe because it won’t change anything that has happened or make the pain go away. Protecting myself from broken promises is a reaction to things that have happened, betrayal, mistreatment, and abuse. It is hard to put total faith in something or someone when you have known the kinds of loss I know, the betrayals and the abuse I have experienced.

So there is this great struggle within me, pulling in both directions. What is a person to do, how to reconcile the reality of life’s experiences with the so called “Good News”.

Again, I cannot give you a simple answer. Life is not a simple 1+1x(2+2)=X formula. It is filled with variation, constant unexpected variation, we are human we make choices, nature exists and things happen, and sometimes there just is no explanation or justification. I get that, we are human, and we make mistakes, bad choices and yes terrible horrific actions result because we are human and broken but some of us are more broken than the rest.

When my mother shot herself in 2003, I had just returned from the desert, and did not get to see her, yet I was told she knew I was home safe. Was God with her? Was God with my brother the moment he received the tragic, horrific, unthinkable news?

Again I do not know how to answer that question, I am being as honest as I know how because this tragic event happened to ME. I do not know where God was or is for that matter. People came and expressed their love, shared my sadness. This all happened during Holy Week and the funeral was on Good Saturday. The in-between day of Holy Week and Easter, between burial and resurrection. Odd, is it not, that my mother chose Holy Week, Maundy Thursday to be exact to take her life.
So where was God in all of THAT?

The ramifications upon my family are still impacting my wife, my brother, my son, my daughter and me. Where is God in all of this, I do not know what to say. Is God present in the love being shared by my friends, some of whom are not “Christian” so can they actually share God’s love? I do not know what to say to that either.

In case you haven’t noticed, this is the great conundrum in my life; an unexplained, open space that must be traversed at some point, I hope before I die. And I am not even sure what I am looking for or expect to find.

I am open to insights and or your exegesis of my situation and holy scripture.  No doubt I will continue this journey and to reflect what I am asking, “Where Is God In All of This”.

Also in the totality of my 55 years on this earth there are some very specific instances I can point to that could have resulted in my certain death. One that is burned into my mind is a car accident on a rain slick country road. That accident resulted in dozens of stitches in my neck, one slice was very near the jugular.

The car was totaled, roof crushed to the consoles, and I was not wearing a seat belt and the power pole was clipped 6 feet above the ground, so my Pinto was airborne at the time it struck the pole. That particular accident was nearly 36 years ago. Then there was the time I was racing, alone, on a long dark country road, and forgot about the left and right only, so I went off the end of that road about 100 yards into a freshly plowed field. So, you could say God spared me because he had a plan for me.

Well, somehow that does not wash with me, because on that same night there were hundreds of accidents around the country, so did God spared me and not someone else? Some how that does not work for me.
So, where is God in all of this?

I go back to the scriptures, particularly, Jesus. He moved throughout the region preaching, teaching and healing all along his path. Now, I am certain there was suffering and death in other locations at the same time Jesus was healing the hemorrhagic woman, or the demon possessed boy, or the leper, or the crippled man, or the blind men. At the same time, Jesus was teaching his disciples to do likewise, to preach, teach and to heal in the community. He also made the same case to all who would listen.

Presenting a model of conduct where if each person would take the time and effort to care for and encourage another, including the stranger and yes even an enemy the same miracles he performed would result.

From these simple and generalized examples of Christ in and with the people of his time, I can see the work of God in and through his people. Like those who came and expressed love and concern for me and my family during the period following my mother’s suicide.There was abundant care, love and genuine concern for our well being. So, in and through those actions, I can see from these acts of kindness something larger than you or me and that is love, an expression of a feeling and an interest in the well being of another.

Most of the time, these expressions usually occur during dying and death.You have heard it said," seems we only get together at funerals". It is so because of the clutter in our living of our lives, which consumes us take all of our time and resources leaving nothing to share as Jesus did and as he taught.

So here again is that lingering question, “Where is God in All of This?"